Dream

When i see the sky above me... When i see those star shining shimmering and mesmerizing me.

I know i have a dream...

I have a dream when i don’t have to be alone anymore...

I envy those who find their true love.

I envy those who be with their love since they’re kids.

I envy those who can love and beloved.

I have a family who love me.

I have friends who said they’re care about me.

I have my first love who left me.

But why do i have to feel all alone?

Why can’t i treasure all those things?

Why should i find another love out there?

I know how selfish i am.

But i just can’t resist it that i need one who really care about me.

Who really see only me. Who can only love me.

For now i realize i can’t stand on my own feet.

I need those who want to stay by my side.

I need them to help me stand, to help me find the reasons.

People said “You won’t know how precious it is until the day you lose it.”

Well, i know.

I know how precious my family is. I know how precious my friends are. I know how precious my first love was.

But it doesn’t mean i feel secure when i’m be with them.

I know they can’t understand me. It’s hard enough to understand myself.

Whenever i tried to tell everything their responses were beyond my expectation.

When i need just some words like...”You did great” and "i'll be here for you"

Or just a simple question... “are you okay?”

Or when i lie and said “i’m okay”, I don’t want them to believe me.

Sometimes i don’t even need words.

You won’t know how happy i am when you just pet my hair.

You won’t know how secure i am when you let me hold your hand.

I need it just now so i can be sure that i’m precious enough to stand and live in this insecure world when myself is being an insecure mess.

But this loneliness is not my own problem right?

Maybe i'm just thinking too much... maybe it;s only my thoughts that make it worse. But i still can't find the way out of this labyrinth that is the truth. I still can't find the reasons. I still can't understand. Why i'm feeling this way? Or how can i survive of this feeling?

I need a salvation... i'm looking for a salvation...

But why, when i show this side of me,,, anyone seems putting some distance?

more and more

my dream is just this simple...

i don't want to feel alone.