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Recently i'm having trouble at home. Someone i expected will give me courage and support was giving me fear and worry instead. I can't tell her anything if she always look at me with... i don't know.. those eyes tell me that i'm just a looser, like i never make good decisions... those eyes, that expression scare me. I wish just once she will accept whatever my decision is... no matter how small it is. I've been growing up... she can't always intervene with all my business... i feel like have no privacy. I can't take those glance so i never tell her anything... I never think that she is my friend... she's just my family... and i'm afraid of her. At first i'm afraid to disappoint her but now i'm afraid everything of her...

Whenever i try to tell her my situation she never listen to me seriously, of course there're a lot of customers there... they're more important they give her money to live. I gave her nothing but trouble. She always raised the issue about bad things i've done but never praise me about little thing i've done. 

I need her to comfort me but she never try to read me... She forbid me to argue so i never say a thing. I can't tell her my problem because she can't try to understand me.. she will judge me first before she try to defend me. I can't trust her because of that.

She thinks that she's protecting me but she's torturing me instead.

I need her just once to try read what i'm doing is what i've been thinking and what i've been fighting for is something i need to do. I'm learning to know my self. I'm finding who am i. Who i really am.

I hope i can't tell her this... I hope she will understand this... The biggest mistake i made is i never tell her this and just hope... But i know as long as she don't give me a room without judgement i can't never tell her this kind of things or any kind of things...