２０１５年 １０月 ２６日

漸く昨夜は眠らなかった。もう考えるのは疲れた。

だから決めたんだ　今はできることだけする　明日夢叶えるかも。

だから今は姉ちゃんのところへ行くの。明日恋愛見つけてかもしれない。

うん。そうだね。そうするよ。

私の涙

今夜も一人で泣いてた。これなんかいめかな　もう分からないよ。ただ、友達ってうその言葉また気づいてた時　やっぱりつらいよね。私は「大丈夫？」って「なにがあって？」って「どうして？」って　聞きたいだけ。やっぱりそれ難しいの言葉だった？

なんで、友達なのに　私のことわからないんだ？

なんで、友達なのに　私のそばにいれなくて？

友達なのに　なんで　なにもきいてないの？

もし私がいなくなっても、もうへきですね？

泣いたりしないよね？

やっぱり友達って　うその言葉だった。

私もう知ってるよ。

どれだけ自分がわがままって。

どれだけ自分ばっかり考えて。

どれだけ自分がなさけないだって。

かっこよくないでしょう？

気持ちわるいでしょう？

もう聞いたから。

ちっくそ。

お前ってさ、自分がどれだけ頑張ったこと知らないんでしょう？

どれだけ辛い事戦った。

今はちょっと疲れただけ。死ぬほどね。

Dream

When i see the sky above me... When i see those star shining shimmering and mesmerizing me.

I know i have a dream...

仲間

仲間って何だろうね。映画とかドラマとかアニメではたくさん見たけど本当そういうなのかね？

誰かをずっとそばにいってくれる人間。それは仲間でしょうか？

誰かをおうえんしてくれる人？

会いたいな、仲間。欲しいな仲間。なんかそのフィルム見るときはずっとうらやましな感じで見てたながら。

Tidung Island Part 1 : Journey to Tidung

Waah... kali ini penulis berkesempatan berlibur ke Pulau Tidung yang berada di kepulauan seribu.

Penulis memulai keberangkatan sejak pukul 11 malam. Tadinya sih jam 10 tapi biaya waktu ngaret 1 jam. hehe. kalo ga ngaret bukan orang sunda kayanya. hadeuh.

Penulis sempat terjebak macet di puncak karena jalan masih belum di buka (mungkin). Oh... dan keadaan di dalam mobil tidaklah senyaman itu. banyak barang dan bahkan manusia yang di "dedet"... #apalahitu haha.

Meskipun penulis berangkat 1 jam sebelum tengah malam tapi penulis sampai di pelabuhan tepat saat matahari mulai terbit.

Happy Lebaran Day!!

Well, it's been a really long time for me to not posting here... though i'm not sure anybody really read my blog but "i really don't care as long as i can post"... i know, what a sick of me.

I have a lot of story to tell, there're so many things have happened around me. You know, life.

After a month of pasting finally come the Day called Lebaran Day in my language,

You know, i truly have some stressed conditions  this month. Start with my college's slimy tactics of ruining my time and my parents' pocket. Second, my auntie didn't really care about that.Third, my parents forgot about my birthday (even until now). Fourth, i am still single.What A Mess!

I did much complaining everyday until this second... (just see what i write above)

Finally, finally, the day of forgiveness for everybody has come...

The question is...

"Does every single person forgive me ?"

Actually I'm not really sure if i have already forgive "everyone" also...

Like the one who broke my heart, or the one who turned me into "a-single-life-everyday", or the swindler who ruined my life and i've been cursing. Especially, have i really forgive my self who could fallen for those misfortunes and still trap on its. Oh man, am really some genius stupid?

How about you, guys and girls, have you really forgive anyone including yourself?

Is Normal Life really exist?

Sometimes we live in sorrow, unpleasant matters called misfortune. But actually when i think more about it i never lack of fortunes knowing that there're more people poorer than me, more selfish and angry.

I sometimes wish that i can live like normal people while i don't even sure what normal is. I guess no one is normal because no one exactly the same. So when i want to be normal maybe it's inverse of normal. Normal is just flowing with the river named destiny.

Often i maybe we feel uneasy living, scared, angry, hatred, sorrow, but the more we got difficulties the more a small happiness make us feel wonderful. A small touch, a small hug, a small kiss. A little careness. I mostly ignore those things but i really grateful that i can still have them. Have a little family, Have a friend. Have my heart away from hartred. Although there's selfishness stand till. I really feel grateful i have my life no matter what people judge. I want to grateful my life with a little complaining to cacth more careness from people close to me. A little pampered while hiding tears.

I have one desire... I want to hold you very tight and be by your side forever.

I want to make some love blossom in my heart. Yet i'm not ready giving my all to that wish. I'm not really ready to rely on anyone. I can trust no one. Should i pitty my self? Mmm... i don't suppose to do that though. Yet i'm very grateful with my life, ain't i?

Just life with people who care about me makes me feel safe.

Just stay the way it is though i have a hundred tons of complainings. I just wish i could live in people careness. Giving and taking love. I want to learn that too.

In my normal life.

Hello My Prince

I think i have found my destiny...

This guy was so warm yet so mysterious. When i talk with him i feel like every problem was gone away. I love listening his singing. I love seeing his smile. I love imaging his gaze.

When he says he's in a blue i feel like a falling leave. I'm worry yet i can do nothing. So, i gave him a song though i know i have not well voice. I want him to keep shining. Just keep shining.

I was lost for a thousand years, i never knew i could feel this warmth again. My hope was high. I wanna feel love again.

I don't wanna be so selfish, i don't wanna be so greed, not anymore.

Even it's just a summer dream just stay the way you are. Just stay for a little longer.

For the first time after years i don't feel lost anymore

.

Even if it's my illusions just stay close. Just stay a little closer.

I wanna yell it out more but i don't want to break this moment.

The moment i have yearn for. The moment i thought will never come.

Just stay there so i can look at you.

Now you are my prince. I'll let you have my heart, till you're sure i can be the one.

And finally i can say "Welcome home my prince."

Tonight's Quote - 小さな希望が 悲しい笑顔にある

Everything is going to end sooner or later... When the time has come... What will you do?

すべての終わりがきっと来る、そのときが来たなら　みんなはどうするの？

Family, friends, partner ... somehow someday everyone will be gone

家族とか友達とか仲間とか　すべていつまにか　消えちゃう

somehow someday you'll be all alone, when the time has come, what will you do?

いつまにかみんな一人一人でになる、そのときが来たなら　みんなはどうする？

"I don't wanna be alone",  people said

一人でいやと　人間が行った

People are weak so they can't live all alone, people want to be love, want to protect... don't they?

弱いから一人で生きてるの出来なくて、誰かに愛されたくて、誰かを守りたくて。。。そうでしょう？

That's why people were born, people want to know that reason even when they are scared they still try.

それは　だから人間が生まれて、その意味が知りたくて、怖いのにずっと頑張って。

"Where i belong?" they want to know

僕の居場所がどこかなって　ずっと迷うってた

Scared of being gone, all alone crying.

なくしたり怖くて、寂しい泣いてた。

Somehow someday they're losing their hope.

いつまにか　きぼうが見えなくて、わがままになって。

"Help" people yell until the end, while waiting someone realize them.

助けてって　最後まで叫ぼう。　誰かを気づいた待ってながら。

Another Dream : 02022015

Guess what did just i dream??

These two hot guys JS and WB! Can you believe it?? Oh thanks God let them visit me even just a minute. I did not talk with JS but i did talk with WB. We sit together on my guess chair outside. In my dream, because i knew i could be too naif if i didnt know it was just a dream. ~i know where i'm belong~ i told WB 

me : "i know it's just a dream..."

wb : "what are you talking about?"

me : "because i know it was a dream i wanna say something to you..."

wb : "say it ..."

me : "it's just too amazing to meet you here. Seeing your smile. Talking with you next to me. I know in reality i can not do this. I'm not really attracted. I'm not that smart or clever. I'm not that brave, actually i'm just a coward who just can meet you in my dream... bla bla bla ~o my god, i confess every single ugly side of mine~

wb : ... ~smiling~ "you are not what are you thinking..."

Then i was sleeping. I was sleeping in my dream knew that i was dreaming ... What a complicated dream...

But it was just too wonderful to forget right?

And i won't have nice dream every night either so ... just enjoy it.

Oh My Lord... He's smile was look like coming from another dimension.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

Healer

Has anyone ever felt sick of life?

I have.

I feel so sick of living a fake life.

No one really see me at school.

No one really ask me at home.

What a lonely day.