My Job : 6th day

Today the cafe did not open due to run out of the materials. 

So i got a mail from a staff there and he told me to arrived at the cafe on 8am to clean up.

But i said "Yesterday we've cleaned it up, haven't we?"

He said "Yeah but yesterday evening we opened... and we sold 30 portion of ramen and yakisoba."

"Awesome!" I said round eyed while whispering to my self "nice not to be there"

I know he's a nice guy but has a problem with hygienic things. That's why i helped him cleaning up.

I was home at noon.

After i arrived at home guess what i had?

My unfriendly-attitude-of-a-sister....

Why she had to be so damn annoying??

Then i had some emotional scene with my mother... finally ... i hug her for the first time.

Then i was thought that i had some mind distraction...

Because, you know, every time i start to feel so upset or sad... no one could stop it.

I even doesn't have any doki doki feeling toward anyone, including my brother.

He makes me sad that's true, but he scares me too.

I want to be with him but i don't know why i do.

Is it because i still like him?

But he never like me... he never call me when i need him to.

He always play ignoring.

That's extremely sucks.

But i know i have more good friends ... and teachers.

I'll ask her if i really had some depression bipolar... or skizofrenia. 

This should be stopped right away!

 I feel so sorry to my mom.

She's not really guilty... she just worry about me...

i knew.

But really i can't stop this when it starts to fill me

I want she look at my point of view too.

Suddenly attack me with negative word...

Won't really help me.

It burn me instead.

I could so easily burn out if that feeling come out.

And i would be too difficult to suppressed.

I feel like... my soul is... dying...

no hope...no wish... no life