no tittle - just a diary

Yesterday i have a little fight with my mom... i didn't mean it. i was just upset. Why we should open the shop even on holiday? Even on Lebaran day?? Couldn't we just have a little rest? I mean it's holiday!!!

It is really a bother when i spare my time in the special day and then a stranger came and say "i wanna buy this i wanna buy that" Oh please. Just leave us alone for a day! What a careless customers. All i want is just a break okay. I wanna live as normal as a family sometime.

It has already been upsetting people coming around every time i eat my lunch and breakfast and even dinner. It is just distressful okay. I'm getting hate everyone come even my own family due to the carelessness of the nice customers. Thank you. You give us money but you ruined my life. For that information i already close the gate so they cant come in but you know what they always insist to come in. What a pleasure!

And why can't my mom listen to me to close the gate to have a break? You know lunch break? She is as hard as the customers who insisted to always open the gate.

I'm so upset.

Okay so i was upset to my mom. But you know she is my mom whatever happen. I couldn't take it more than a day. But i never have courage to apologize either. So here's the idea come. I bought her chocolate and made a little not behind it so she can read it rather than heard it. You know... "i'm sorry".

Because she is my mom of course she forgave me. But i feel bad for her to have such a brat like me you know.

I'm sick. I mean it. Not an decease but as emotionally ill. Often i can't control my emotion and i can't focus. I don't even have a goal in my life, no motivation, no inspiration, no boyfriend, no awards, no love, nothing. I have nothing.

ps. the pic is just an illustration though i wish they sell one here

My Review of Jonathan Stroud : Streaming Staircase

Luckily I just read this novel, Screaming staircase, that is in original translate – English. Even though I’m not pretty good reading novel in English but because this one sounds more interesting – Stroud is one of my favorite authors – I couldn't stand to wait the translation.

Okay, let’s start. By the beginning of part one “Ghost” it was already deathly appear of some ghost Type Two young lady who eventually have murdered and burned inside the wall of her house for around fifty years. Anna Ward that’s her name.

Anna was extremely dangerous type two. She almost killed both Lucy and Lockwood, the agent of Lockwood & Co. Lockwood had his Ghost-Touch and Lucy had completely serious injury that involved her hand. And. They also succeeded burning the house. That’s what made the client really upset and claim sixty thousand pound in return as compensation. That’s also the trigger for the full-of-deathly-way of fixing the problem so that the Lockwood & Co. wouldn’t be shut down.

My trip to Tamrin City

Well, hello...

It's been a long long long since i post here. This time let me share about my first trip to a huge shopping mall at the city of Jakarta. Maybe for people there it's a usual case, but for me it's a special one. It's the first time i saw the light of the high building in the night. Before this i usually saw it in some movies.

And i had to admited that to see those lights with my own eyes was just too amazing. So beautiful and i was so amazed. Besides i rarely shopping with anybody. Maybe once a year to welcoming the Aid Fitri is my only chance to buy some clothes, well shirts and jeans at usual. I don't really like wearing some long dress like a feminim girl. But someday i really want to try to be a feminim girl. Well, if only i could find some true love to date with me. Ha ha. It sounds too difficult,.

And oh, guess what i was using to get there???

A train. Right!

Look! I took some pictures of it. Lol.

days two in Bogor

Hari ini adalah hari keduaku di Bogor. Masih belum melakukan sesuatu. Yah. Masih banyak waktu luang.

Hari pertamaku juga sama membosankannya. Berbeda sekali saat perjalananku kemari. Begitu menyenangkan. Pergi ke beberapa tempat. Yah, tepatnya hanya dua tempat. Dan ini pertama kalinya aku pergi ke sana. Chimory, tempat yang menyenangkan. Ada taman-taman kecil dan sungai dengan bebatuan yang tergeltak alami. Itu mengingatkanku pada tempat yang paling ingin kukunjungi setelah Mekah. Negeri Sakura! Paradise Jhonny's! Wonderland!

Terdapat pabrik coklat juga di sana. Hanya saja saat aku berkunjung tidak banyak aktivitas di sana. Atau lebih tepatnya tidak ada aktivitas sama sekali.

Tapi tempat itu punya tema dan desain yang menarik. Meskipun tidak sebesar yang kau bayangkan tapi Chimory punya gaya yang memikat.

Tempat kedua yang kukunjungi adalah Toko Buku di Botani. Nenek moyangku bilang "Jangan pernah lewatkan diskon selama ada kekuatan dan kesempatan atau kau bisa menyesalinya nanti."

Menyesal adalah kata yang paling kubenci selain tidak punya uang. Oke tidak ada hubungannya.

Jadi aku perlu menyelam ke dalam lautan buku untuk mencari beberapa buku Meg Cabot dan Jonathan Stroud yang sayangnya tidak kutemukan. Jadi, setelah memikirkan dengan matang berdasarkan keseimbangan finansial dan kebutuhan tanpa memperdulikan keinginan yang egois aku memilih tiga buku finalis untuk kujadikan temanku selama liburan ini. Diantaranya adalah karya Meg Cabot-Avalon High-, Sebuah peledak motivasi -asal kau tahu saja aku sedang membutuhkan beberapa motivasi dahsyat untuk bertahan hidup-, dan sebuah buku tentang rahasia blog dan semacamnya -mungkin akan menjadi karirku dalan waktu dekat.

Oh. Omong-omong the day before yesterday atau senin lalu adalah hari ulang tahunku. Aku tahu kalau tidak ada hubungabbya dengan kalian. Tapi siapa tahu ada salah satu penggemar yang ingin memberi kejutan baik kan. Aku tak pernah menutup kemungkinan ada salah satu dari kalian ingin lebih mengenalku. Mungkin itu kau prince charming atau kau pangeran berkuda putih atau mungkin kau cinta pertamaku...

Ha ha. Lupakan saja.

Jadi mungkin itu yang bisa kusampaikan pada pagi ini. Tambahannya tunggu moodku datang oada kesempatan berikutnya!!! jika masih ada tentunya.

Semuanya sampai jumpa lagi!!! B-A-N-Z-A-I

Love letter

Dear my Sylar, 

I don't know you yet.

Even all that we've been through.

I never be there to be your light.

I never be there to loving you as i could do.

I never be there just to stand by your side.

But i wanna know you. If only you give me a chance to.

Even when you've become Sylar again.

There's always forgiveness.

I can heal my heart again. As long as you don't leave my side.

Oh, Gabriel... I know how sweet you are.

It's just me who don't have enough courage to tell you the truth.

That... No matter what... I'll always have forgiveness for you.

That's the thing i could not understand but sure it is real.

And please forgive me for my selfishness... to desire having you alone.

And for the fear of losing you because you have deny me once. You could do that twice.

All i've ever think is just how i supposed to be with you.

Just for few words.

Just your few words can save my worst day ever. Even there's no words of "love".

I really love you.

If only i could let the bird deliver this letter to you.

If only you could know what i was feeling about you.

If only this would bring you to me...

I'll giving every love i have. Just for you to feel safe and sound.

DAIKI の 誕生日だ！！！

まさか　まさか　。。。　今日は大貴君の誕生日？　もう　２3歳　ですね。

始めて　見たときは　ドラマに　スクラップ ティーテャーと　先生はエライということで。

最初は　「そんなに冷たい　ですか？」ってそう考えた。でもね　先生はエライ　見たときは　ぜんぜん違いました。可愛いって言うか　楽しいって言うか　明るくて！

まー　この先生はエライには　もっと　大貴らしい　ですよね。　やっぱり　優しい人だった。

私も　ミルクが好きだよ。

I wanna gain height too!!  

なんてね～

あれから　ずっと見てる　大貴君を。

まー　今日立派な大人になるんでしょ。　まさかなんてない。

とにかく　「誕生日おめでとう」って　言いたいんけど　やっぱり遠いすごる。

素敵な誕生日をもってますがほしいけど　祈りだけ出来るんだ。

ヘイセイは　みんな　が　一番と二番と三番　後で　ずっと　言ってけど　私にとっては　みんな　かっこいいだよ。

一番　二番　三番　十番　なんてない。

みんな特別だから。みんなが好きだから。

みんなのおかげで　私も　明るくになて出来るんだ。

ありがとうね。本当です。

本当に　ありがとうございます！！！

そして　もう一回　大貴君　おめでとうございます。

現実に　みんなと　合いましょよ　いつか。

いつか。会いたかったから。

友達と一緒 （With My friends)

やっぱり友達と一緒なら　本当楽しいよ。

たまには　私も友達がいる。

みんな大切な仲間だ。

時々は楽しいことがある　悔しいこともある。

一緒になら　もうへき。

ずっとこのままで　いれば

どんな難しいな人生も一緒に戦って出来る。

泣いたときも　笑って出来る。

本当の幸せだ。

今日も　みんな　私のことがひつよなの。

じょう楽しかった。

とても幸せだ。

私の届かない歌

 この歌が歌いたい。

この気持ちが君に伝えたいけど

君はただ聞きたくない。

何度も　何度も　頑張ってる　僕に見つめてなら

いつでも　届けない歌がきっと届けると信じて

君はただ信じない

君しか好きにならない

Tust me.

でも僕が要らないなら

何も出来ないはず

君にさようならってそ僕が言える

たとえば僕の愛がこのまま消えない

この場所から静かに君を見て。 

これは僕の届かない歌

松下優也

Trust me

Words that can never be said.

たまには言えたいことがある。言えなくても大丈夫。いつか誰かを気づいたなってきっとそう信じます。

Sometimes there're words that can not i say. Even so, i thought that i'll be okay. Someday i believe that someone will realize it.

毎日、毎月、毎年そんなことが自分をずっと言う。

Everyday, every month, every year... that's what i always said to my self.

でもやっぱり何も変わらない。私はまだこのままで一人で。

But the reality is never change. I always be my self only.

私に力をもらった人も私のそばにいらない。

The one that can cheer me up doesn't want to stand by me.

さあどうする本当分からない。時々は辛いけどもう我慢した。時々は泣きたいけど泣けない。

Well, i don't even know what to do. Sometimes i endure the pain. Sometime i want to cry but i just can't.

自分は誰かをそばにいたいけど誰も来ない。

I want somebody to stay with me but no body has ever come.

だからもう何も言うな！

So, stop telling me what to do and not to do!

兄さんに届けたい言葉

tonight i still think about you

tonight i still wait for you

tonight i still hope that i can have you

"Give me a perfect day, oh i'll stay by your side..." 

I have no other option but to always think about you.

And i have no other desire but to always stay beside you.

Also, i have no other word but i love you.

My Tragic Story Part II

Well, hello.

Today i feel better. Although i still can't really asleep. I can't believe i have some insomnia... again. And more.

I just can't forget those sad face, because of me.

I feel really so sorry for them. 本当にごめなさい。

I would do everything to pay it. No matter what. I'll work harder. I'll quit school if it's needed. I don't care anymore what can happened to me. When i feel this lost. When i feel want to run so far away. When i want to just give it up. I don't care anymore.

However, no matter how far i want give it up. How far i want to hide. I wish that... i won't be alone.

Don't ask me if i'm alright because the truth is i am not. Don't let me lie and laugh. Because i feel more want to fall and cry.

Just stay with me and say that everything's gonna be okay.

 大丈夫は　本当便利な言葉でしょ。大丈夫キットと　聞きたいこと。ただ大丈夫と　いえなさい。

Maybe i'm really weak, i don't know if i'm this weak.

I do can't let you see my sad face. Can't let you know what are my feelings right know.

But if only you just stay by my side... and hold my hand tight. You'll see. I'm not as strong as you see.

I don't laugh as you see. I'm not as sweet as you see. I'm not me as you usually see,

Then, will you hide with me?

One of my tragic story Part I

Well, hari ini hari yang terlalu special untuk dilupakan. Rasanya kaya pingin masuk lubang semut dan tinggal di situ selamanya!!!

リョウ君へ

Ryosuke kun... apa aku benar-benar jatuh cinta?

Atau aku malah terlalu tergila-gila >> ?

Perlahan-lahan dia mendatangi mimpiku.

Semakin dekat... dekat... dan lebih dekat...

今日の日記

now where i should start? 

first i had some new job. A real one, you should know.

Alot of things have been happening.

Bad and good moments one to another.

Through the thing that had happened i begin wondering my self...

Who is the true me?

Please Stay With Me

言葉なんて出来ないって言うかそう思うから。

心の痛み

最近はとても寂しかった。学校でも　うちでも　皆誰も私のことを構わない感じ、とてもくやしくて　やっぱり皆は自分だけ考えてる。私友達が本当いるの？あの大学に。

でもね、今日高校生の　クラスマートを　会えた。　楽しくて　いろいろ話したんだから。試験とか　先生とか　男とか　全部　いえないことが　言える。　ただ一つだけいえないけど。　私の寂しい感じ　うちで。